You Can Sit With Us
Do you remember this fateful scene in the movie Mean Girls, where the popular group of girls tells the former "queen" of the school that she can't sit with them because she wore sweat pants to school? That 25 second clip has turned into many memes and become a quote used over and over again in popular culture. The idea of clique's and popularity having so much power and influence has always intrigued me to understand why it happens or know more because it holds so much wait, yet causes pain sometimes.
A couple months ago, I was scrolling through my recommended reading on Amazon. Something I do regularly because it is amazing how Amazon knows me better than I know myself sometimes. ;) I happened to stumble upon The Turquoise Table by Kristin Schell. In the book, Kristin wrote about how putting a turquoise picnic table in her front yard created a non-exclusive community for her neighborhood. A space where ANYONE could come and go to share their high's and low's of their week. Since reading this book, the idea of a non-exclusive community has been on my heart a lot.
Total transparency, I know I have been a part of cliques. I am not exempt from this part of popular culture. I think it would be hard to find someone who hasn't ever belonged to a clique to be honest. But what I have been noticing, is how much judgement and power there is in established communities. I always joke that I am too transparent and too vulnerable at times, and it makes people incredibly uncomfortable. Usually when a new team member joins my team at work, I give them my personality profile and tell them that I over communicate and that I love being heard with good intent because some people just have a tendency to read into things. Well, when I was thinking about how some of the communities in my life have seen struggle and success this year, it came down to a similar concept. The idea that if we just opened our hearts to inviting or seeing communities for the beauty they are in their creation; without jealousy if we aren't a part of it or to lay down selfishness to include more people if we are a part of it, we would see the idea of community with good intent instead of with the notion of not being able to sit at the table.
I started thinking about three specific places where I desire my communities or groups of people to be inclusive and to approach people with "you CAN sit with us" instead of the negative. I guess I just don't understand why you need to put stigmas on people/groups, make them work for things when they didn't do anything to lose trust or purpose, or what benefit there is to not striving to join communities when they might be unfamiliar and then instead create barriers in their success. Maybe this is my soapbox this year, but the childlike love and faith we are called to strive for, gives me hope that our communities could be stronger through this.
This year for me, there were three communities where I felt jealousy, hurt, personal attack, and conviction. I don't like to admit that. I feel weak when I do. But it is true.
The Workplace
Work has always been a place where I probably spend too much time. I am probably too connected to my email when I am at home. And I make it a personal goal to never fail someone on my teams. Well, that is nearly impossible. As my team has changed, over and over again (is anyone else singing the Nelly and Tim McGraw song when they see these words?). I realize how my hope and dream for being on a team and creating a team where everyone is invited to the table, isn't always the preferred way of work. That has been one of the hardest things to accept in 2017, a year where collaboration was #1 on my career goals. I have struggled with feeling inadequate, feeling like I don't belong, and have felt a lot of unknown personal angst. As I head into 2018, I am hopeful. Hopeful that my 2018 word {surrender} is going to be the one to help me through. But I still can't help but think I can't be the only thing wrong here. I think of the opportunities to put aside personal insecurities and opinions to invite others to the table or the times where teams have had too much personal investment in the plan to allow support for others to join in collaboration. You'll see at the end of this post, one of my Advent activities called for me to write a manifesto, I put a response to this piece in that.
Families/Friend Groups/ Relationships
I will be 30 in a little over a month. THIRTY! I remember high school graduation like it was yesterday. As I enter this new decade, I am desiring more than ever to grow my personal communities. However, I see the exclusivity more and more. I feel the walls being built and I hate to say it, I get it. A number of people in my life have lost trust because of things in their past, are weary of letting people in because they have been hurt, and desire confidence in the communities they build. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that those exist in my heart too. My prayer for 2018, is that those closest to me open their hearts and slowly stop sheltering their heart because of fear or selfishness. And truthfully, I am not even praying for that in my own selfishness. In the last two weeks, the number of friends who have shared that they have felt uninvited to be a part of communities due to intentional exclusivity and selfish desires has been hard to hear. But I am so thankful for the conversations I have had and the friends who have shared their intentional goals to grow their community and bridge those gaps. I feel blessed to be a part of friend groups, families, and relationships where the priority is being aware of the spiritual warfare that plays a part in this too, and strives to support one another through it.
Faith Communities
This one is hard to write about. I grew up in a church that I adored. Maybe it was innocence, but I guess I didn't experience the cliques and exclusive social groups. I loved my youth group, and we were always so excited when new people joined. One of my top 5 highlights to 2018 has been joining a life group at church. Mainly because we truly do LIFE together. From BBQ's to Mariner Games to weekends at a cabin, life with these people is awesome. Recently though, there have been three people that have referred to us as the "cool" group. Man, I struggle with that. This family we have created has grown, fluxed, and seen our highest numbers and lowest numbers. Hearing the reference of the cool group with a negative connotation that we are an exclusive group broke my heart. As we have grown and changed, we have seen blessing in those changes, and I hope that we continue to benefit from new personalities and from seeing people move on to other adventures. My prayer for faith communities in 2018, is that as you grow and build, that we all work together to not create exclusive titles and stigmas on those in the church who have built community. For me, my life group has been a gift, one that I had prayed about since I had graduated college if I am being honest. I have women who I can text or call at any hour of the day and pray with, and a group of men and women who together share in the Lord's gifts. Yeah, that is a "cool" thing, but it isn't what makes us cool. We are just doing life together, and anyone is invited to join us.
My co-worker Sarah gifted me this awesome set of Advent cards. Each day there are intentions, and some are little and some are more work. Today's called me to write a manifesto for the world I want to live in...if I wrote that whole thing, it might be it's own blog post. Instead, I wrote one just about this topic. Let me introduce you to my manifesto on growing community.
Manifesto
I want to live in a world where we love no matter which group we belong to.
I want to live in a world where invitations are more often extended for people to join communities.
I want to live in a world where selfishness and personal insecurities are comforted so that communities can grow without bias.
I want to live in a world where collaboration is a priority and honesty surrounding exclusivity is transparent.
I want to live in a world where instead of saying "you can't sit with us" we are begging people to join us at our table.
A couple months ago, I was scrolling through my recommended reading on Amazon. Something I do regularly because it is amazing how Amazon knows me better than I know myself sometimes. ;) I happened to stumble upon The Turquoise Table by Kristin Schell. In the book, Kristin wrote about how putting a turquoise picnic table in her front yard created a non-exclusive community for her neighborhood. A space where ANYONE could come and go to share their high's and low's of their week. Since reading this book, the idea of a non-exclusive community has been on my heart a lot.
Total transparency, I know I have been a part of cliques. I am not exempt from this part of popular culture. I think it would be hard to find someone who hasn't ever belonged to a clique to be honest. But what I have been noticing, is how much judgement and power there is in established communities. I always joke that I am too transparent and too vulnerable at times, and it makes people incredibly uncomfortable. Usually when a new team member joins my team at work, I give them my personality profile and tell them that I over communicate and that I love being heard with good intent because some people just have a tendency to read into things. Well, when I was thinking about how some of the communities in my life have seen struggle and success this year, it came down to a similar concept. The idea that if we just opened our hearts to inviting or seeing communities for the beauty they are in their creation; without jealousy if we aren't a part of it or to lay down selfishness to include more people if we are a part of it, we would see the idea of community with good intent instead of with the notion of not being able to sit at the table.
I started thinking about three specific places where I desire my communities or groups of people to be inclusive and to approach people with "you CAN sit with us" instead of the negative. I guess I just don't understand why you need to put stigmas on people/groups, make them work for things when they didn't do anything to lose trust or purpose, or what benefit there is to not striving to join communities when they might be unfamiliar and then instead create barriers in their success. Maybe this is my soapbox this year, but the childlike love and faith we are called to strive for, gives me hope that our communities could be stronger through this.
This year for me, there were three communities where I felt jealousy, hurt, personal attack, and conviction. I don't like to admit that. I feel weak when I do. But it is true.
The Workplace
Work has always been a place where I probably spend too much time. I am probably too connected to my email when I am at home. And I make it a personal goal to never fail someone on my teams. Well, that is nearly impossible. As my team has changed, over and over again (is anyone else singing the Nelly and Tim McGraw song when they see these words?). I realize how my hope and dream for being on a team and creating a team where everyone is invited to the table, isn't always the preferred way of work. That has been one of the hardest things to accept in 2017, a year where collaboration was #1 on my career goals. I have struggled with feeling inadequate, feeling like I don't belong, and have felt a lot of unknown personal angst. As I head into 2018, I am hopeful. Hopeful that my 2018 word {surrender} is going to be the one to help me through. But I still can't help but think I can't be the only thing wrong here. I think of the opportunities to put aside personal insecurities and opinions to invite others to the table or the times where teams have had too much personal investment in the plan to allow support for others to join in collaboration. You'll see at the end of this post, one of my Advent activities called for me to write a manifesto, I put a response to this piece in that.
Families/Friend Groups/ Relationships
I will be 30 in a little over a month. THIRTY! I remember high school graduation like it was yesterday. As I enter this new decade, I am desiring more than ever to grow my personal communities. However, I see the exclusivity more and more. I feel the walls being built and I hate to say it, I get it. A number of people in my life have lost trust because of things in their past, are weary of letting people in because they have been hurt, and desire confidence in the communities they build. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that those exist in my heart too. My prayer for 2018, is that those closest to me open their hearts and slowly stop sheltering their heart because of fear or selfishness. And truthfully, I am not even praying for that in my own selfishness. In the last two weeks, the number of friends who have shared that they have felt uninvited to be a part of communities due to intentional exclusivity and selfish desires has been hard to hear. But I am so thankful for the conversations I have had and the friends who have shared their intentional goals to grow their community and bridge those gaps. I feel blessed to be a part of friend groups, families, and relationships where the priority is being aware of the spiritual warfare that plays a part in this too, and strives to support one another through it.
Faith Communities
This one is hard to write about. I grew up in a church that I adored. Maybe it was innocence, but I guess I didn't experience the cliques and exclusive social groups. I loved my youth group, and we were always so excited when new people joined. One of my top 5 highlights to 2018 has been joining a life group at church. Mainly because we truly do LIFE together. From BBQ's to Mariner Games to weekends at a cabin, life with these people is awesome. Recently though, there have been three people that have referred to us as the "cool" group. Man, I struggle with that. This family we have created has grown, fluxed, and seen our highest numbers and lowest numbers. Hearing the reference of the cool group with a negative connotation that we are an exclusive group broke my heart. As we have grown and changed, we have seen blessing in those changes, and I hope that we continue to benefit from new personalities and from seeing people move on to other adventures. My prayer for faith communities in 2018, is that as you grow and build, that we all work together to not create exclusive titles and stigmas on those in the church who have built community. For me, my life group has been a gift, one that I had prayed about since I had graduated college if I am being honest. I have women who I can text or call at any hour of the day and pray with, and a group of men and women who together share in the Lord's gifts. Yeah, that is a "cool" thing, but it isn't what makes us cool. We are just doing life together, and anyone is invited to join us.
My co-worker Sarah gifted me this awesome set of Advent cards. Each day there are intentions, and some are little and some are more work. Today's called me to write a manifesto for the world I want to live in...if I wrote that whole thing, it might be it's own blog post. Instead, I wrote one just about this topic. Let me introduce you to my manifesto on growing community.
Manifesto
I want to live in a world where we love no matter which group we belong to.
I want to live in a world where invitations are more often extended for people to join communities.
I want to live in a world where selfishness and personal insecurities are comforted so that communities can grow without bias.
I want to live in a world where collaboration is a priority and honesty surrounding exclusivity is transparent.
I want to live in a world where instead of saying "you can't sit with us" we are begging people to join us at our table.
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