Facing Commitment

com·mit·ment kəˈmitmənt/ noun 1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. Let's be real here, most of us have had a moment (or hundreds of them) where where you have been OVER committed. Or on the flip side, we all have moments where we fall short in being committed to something. I am incredibly guilty of both of these things. 

Back in the spring, I did an exercise where I had to make a T-table (remember those?!) and the left side was for writing down everything you were committed to. Then, I left it overnight, woke up the next morning and wrote a single word in the right column next to each commitment. The first word that came to mind when I thought of that commitment. There were things that I loved and things that I loathed. What was revealed to me was the fact that I needed a realignment of what the word "commit" meant to me and how I would incorporate that into the rest of my year. 

As the months flew by, challenges and life brought me a lot of opportunity to look commitment square in the face and, well... commit. This blog is a great example. Sometimes I wish you could see my face as I write, because right now I have a smirk at the thought of this blog and how much I did not want to stay committed. That meant I had to be vulnerable and continue to share, but yet with each post I find that it is relevant to my community in some way.

So here is one of my biggest truths. Commitment this year has been scary. Halfway through the year I made an effort to just pay attention to my commitments and work on the who's, what's, and why's involved with them. I am getting there, but shoot, I am a long ways from perfect. 

This last weekend, something incredible happened. Saturday morning, I ventured to the Microsoft campus for Create and Cultivate's Seattle conference. I felt like a school girl, ready to learn and be inspired. What I wasn't prepared for, was how this conference would be so relatable to where I was at in life. Ali Edward's booth was the first to catch my attention, and as I approached and noticed her "One Little Word" display. She encouraged guests to take a word to focus on for one year, and my heart immediately said commitment, thats your word. I searched the whole wall and it wasn't there. Bummed, I took the word faith knowing that my faith gives me the strength to be brave and strong in commitment. The day went on, my expectations were beyond exceeded, and I found myself back at Ali's pink booth in the afternoon. As I watched another woman choose her word, my heart skipped a beat. There was my word! Commit! All the way at the top, but don't you worry I was determined to get it. Silly right, why do I care so much about a plastic word? Well, because I knew it was a symbol that I needed. 

As we head into the final quarter of the year, I have a commitment to being reasonable with my time as well. After I shared the letter I had written to my mom on the blog, I had a number of people reach out and it opened my eyes to the value of my commitment to my community. To over commit to doing things and stuff... that isn't my purpose right now. It is to NOT over commit, but rather focus on most important commitments, my faith, family, friendships, motherhood and my relationship.

Commit.

To commit is a choice. A choice to pour your heart into something and actively pursue it. This year I have chosen to commit to intentional friendships. I said yes to being in a committed relationship with a man that challenges me and helps me balance my commitments. I have chosen commitment over fear/abandonment in a number situations where life just got hard whether at work, in volunteer roles, or in many other things... I wanted to quit, but I chose to stay committed because I knew it was within me to overcome the hard stuff. Now by putting this out here, each of you know, I am working on it. Terrifying, now don't you go and be too hard on me when I fail. 😉 

What about you? Where do you over commit, under commit, or what does commitment mean to you?