I Cry Too

This morning started off just how I had planned. I slept in and met Chlo at the gym for an awesome workout where I felt all the tensions and leftover sleepiness just melt away as I sweated. It was awesome. With 3 minutes left in my cardio, the show that I was watching took a turn. This scene came on and I became the blubbering girl at the gym who couldn't keep it together.

I was watching "This is Us" when Milo's character got off of the phone with his AA sponsor and dropped to his knees to recite the Serenity Prayer in response to having had a hard day at home. Based on my Facebook thread, a lot of y'all cry when you watch this show, so kudos to the producers.  Well, I cry too. I probably should have learned my lesson by now, I am just like most of you and therefore watching this show at the gym isn't the best option if I am trying to keep my heart rate up and lungs breathing easily. Regardless, today's moment on the show actually replicated a time where I witnessed my mom doing the exact same thing. I was 17 and I had walked out to the barn to ask my mom if I could go to the football game, and I just found her kneeling in the hay, praying this prayer. Who knows what had brought her to that moment, but there she was, turning to what she knew.

Okay, back to the gym. I wiped my tears, went to the weight room to meet Chloe and finished my workout. We chatted for a few minutes in the lobby (I love that girl) and then I told her I couldn't go get coffee because I had to adult today. Ugh, does anyone else cringe when they think of adulting? Everything inside me wanted to get coffee. But I knew I had floors to mop and a bathroom to clean. I wandered out to my car and lone behold, that perfect day I was stoked about was interrupted by a tire that looked a little on the flat side.

I hope my new friends at Discount Tire on Pearl Street enjoy seeing my face, because this was the second time in two weeks I was in getting new tires thanks to nails in the side wall. That's my fun fact of the day, you can repair a nail in your tire UNLESS it is in the side wall. Lucky me.

While I waited, I decided that instead of just enjoying this view for an hour, I would clean out my purse. There was a pack of fruit snacks that I was grateful for, a number of random things to be thrown away, and some loose change. As I was collecting the change, a larger coin stood out. I was surprised to find that my mom's two year AA coin had landed in there. Honestly, the last place I had remembered having it was on my night stand. Sometimes when I can't sleep at night I hold it and pray, not necessarily the serenity prayer but the motion of rubbing the coin while praying kind of soothes me.

Maybe it fell into my purse one night when my purse was by my night stand, or maybe it had slipped into the pages of my book and then fell out when I put my book into my purse. Okay friend, I am going to admit, I spent entirely way too much time trying to hypothesize how the coin got there. I was annoyed that it was there. I had let that moment with Milo on the elliptical slip away but that coin brought it all right back.

I don't know about the rest of you, but the holidays make me miss things that once were in addition to all the amazing rejoicing and gathering that happens. I miss my mom a lot. I miss Christmas as it was when I was a child. And so many other things. So as I sat there flipping the coin back in forth, I started thinking about the serenity prayer, my mom, and just how there is a little bit missing without her here. But that prayer... where did it come from and how amazing that it has become such a universal tool for people.

My new tire was on the car and I headed home. I showered, did a few of those adult things I knew I had to do. But I couldn't stop thinking about my morning. I finished vacuuming and I threw my hands up. Literally! I packed up my bag, looked on Yelp to find a new place I hadn't eaten before, and headed out the door with everything I needed to understand more.

I ended up at Black Kettle Bites and Brew (which by the way, is bomb.com with their Bluebeard coffee and grilled cheese bites). I opened up my MacBook and started my research on this prayer that was infiltrating my morning. This blog post is getting a little long, so what I want to share with you, is why you shouldn't dismiss the Serenity Prayer, and why when you might be at a place of not knowing how to pray for where you are, it might be a good place to start.

The Serenity Prayer is:
Adaptable: This prayer was written in the 1930's and was used most immediately for sermons. However, the Serenity Prayer has become a foundation for 12-step programs, was used for soldiers in WWII, and has been widely accepted by society regardless of identifying with a faith because of its simplicity in being humble and focused on acceptance.
Timeless: Google the Serenity Prayer. You will find at least 5 different versions. But the message stays the same. In my opinion, the beauty in the timeless message shows that God's love never changes and that He has us through it all.
Hope: This might be more personal opinion than research. BUT, through all of my reading, I learned that no matter what version you read or what community of people are utilizing it, this prayer give hope to people.

This week I battled awkwardness, miscommunications, and a few flat out stupid situations. And as I sit here eating my grilled cheese bites and reflecting on what I have learned today alone, I am thankful for this simple prayer. A reset to my week. And gratitude for the memory of my mom reciting the Serenity Prayer, because that alone reminds me how important it is to stay close to my commitment to knowing myself and navigating the awkward, hard, and unknown with my Lord and Savior.

A Prayer for Serenity

By: Reinhold Niebuhr

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.