Time to Phone a Friend
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
- Proverbs 13:12
Expectations. They will kill ya.
How many times have I heard that in my life? More times than I can count. Yet I have sat alone 10+ times in the last year trying to understand what expectations I have in my life by trying to list them out. Pshhhh. Stupid.
At one point, it was a list of things like:
- respond
- care
- align
Another time, it looked a little more like:
- doesn't expect me to clean up for them
- responsible for their actions
- surprises me with acts of service
But each time, I would wait a week, go back to the list, and it wasn't quite right. So what are my expectations in life, and of others in this life? Wrestling with this concept has had me up too many sleepless nights, I'm over it.
I finally reached this point where I had to "phone a friend". One of the professional type, who could just gut check me and help me understand where I was going wrong. And you know what they said "Tauna, are you confusing your ability to give grace with not having expectations?" Huh, that's a thought. Why yes, I do prefer to give people grace, but am I sitting here writing story lines before giving that grace which then ultimately leads to me having an unmet expectation?
Did you follow that? Maybe, maybe not.
So here I am, admitting that I need to work on my expectations. Not that I have that "read my mind" kind of mentality, but I guess it isn't about giving grace. It is about establishing understanding, communicating better, and not always needing to have a by when. I giggle even writing that, cause it's never how I think of it in the moment, but apparently there is something under those layers of thoughts that leads me to that.
I was recently reading the book "How to Lead When You're Not in Charge" by Clay Scroggins and there was a segment that resonated with me and the idea of expectations...
"The clearer you are about who you are...
If your reading this, you are probably a friend or somehow connected to me in life... don't be afraid to gut check me on these things. One of the things I love most about community, friends, and family, is that we are designed to be accountability partners for each other so that we can live our best lives. So I welcome that, no matter how hard or blunt it may be (and if I cry, I still love you and I'm sorry I am an emotional person sometimes).
With that, expectations won't kill you. But not knowing your expectations might. So be brave to learn more about yourself, and thank those in your life who confront you when you aren't being honest with yourself in them.
- Proverbs 13:12
Expectations. They will kill ya.
How many times have I heard that in my life? More times than I can count. Yet I have sat alone 10+ times in the last year trying to understand what expectations I have in my life by trying to list them out. Pshhhh. Stupid.
At one point, it was a list of things like:
- respond
- care
- align
Another time, it looked a little more like:
- doesn't expect me to clean up for them
- responsible for their actions
- surprises me with acts of service
But each time, I would wait a week, go back to the list, and it wasn't quite right. So what are my expectations in life, and of others in this life? Wrestling with this concept has had me up too many sleepless nights, I'm over it.
I finally reached this point where I had to "phone a friend". One of the professional type, who could just gut check me and help me understand where I was going wrong. And you know what they said "Tauna, are you confusing your ability to give grace with not having expectations?" Huh, that's a thought. Why yes, I do prefer to give people grace, but am I sitting here writing story lines before giving that grace which then ultimately leads to me having an unmet expectation?
Did you follow that? Maybe, maybe not.
So here I am, admitting that I need to work on my expectations. Not that I have that "read my mind" kind of mentality, but I guess it isn't about giving grace. It is about establishing understanding, communicating better, and not always needing to have a by when. I giggle even writing that, cause it's never how I think of it in the moment, but apparently there is something under those layers of thoughts that leads me to that.
I was recently reading the book "How to Lead When You're Not in Charge" by Clay Scroggins and there was a segment that resonated with me and the idea of expectations...
"The clearer you are about who you are...
- the more consistent you will be with others.
- the more consistent you will be about what you do.
- the less concerned you will be with the opinions of others.
- the less confused you will be by your emotions."
If your reading this, you are probably a friend or somehow connected to me in life... don't be afraid to gut check me on these things. One of the things I love most about community, friends, and family, is that we are designed to be accountability partners for each other so that we can live our best lives. So I welcome that, no matter how hard or blunt it may be (and if I cry, I still love you and I'm sorry I am an emotional person sometimes).
With that, expectations won't kill you. But not knowing your expectations might. So be brave to learn more about yourself, and thank those in your life who confront you when you aren't being honest with yourself in them.
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| How I felt about this process... before accepting the terms outline above. While frustrating at times, I am thankful for patience. |
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