Precious Moment's

When I think of the words "precious moments", I think of the little figurines that used to sit on my shelf when I was a kid. Three of them to be exact, that had been given as gifts when I was a little tike. But the actual idea of precious moments being formative times in my life, are something I cling to. 

I am going to let you in on a little secret, a peak into one of my most precious and treasured moments. 

But first, I need to start at the beginning. It all started with this acceptance to the fact that I really was okay with spending the rest of my life just me and my sweet Ainsley Jean. I had felt a lot of loss, abandonment, and confusion in a short six month time frame, and thanks to a lot of counseling and countless mornings and nights journaling and praying... I had woken up one morning with this peace in my heart that just the two of us was an okay place to be and that whatever the Lord had in store for us would be awesome. 

Now, I am going to be honest with you all. It is not like I completely wrote off my "happily ever after". But I definitely did not think that there was one out there for me that included a prince charming. There were a lot of nice guys in my life, and I appreciated them, but dating was not an option after that peace filled morning. 

And then I met J. 

He came into my life like that hurricane that the weatherman said was going to be a slight breeze. Initially annoyed by the fact that he prevented Ainsley from taking naps during her break at the Y, over time I began to realize that this man was unique. He was patient. He had a gift for helping people see opportunities to grow and try new things. And his stubbornness was refreshingly honest, in a period of time where I was needing someone to show and teach me how to stand up for things and be bold, even if I personally may have not agreed with him in some of those moments. 

Realizing he was someone who was going to stay in my life, and that I loved him for it, came like a tidal wave. You see, I am a lover. I believe it is part of who we are created to be. Loving him hasn't always been easy, that we can both admit. But when I first realized he was one of my loved ones, I wanted to keep him close. I trusted him. I believed in him. I respected him. I felt supported by him. He listened. He made me laugh. I could keep going but for the sake of your time I won't.

It wasn't and hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows. And boy, do most of you know that. As friends and more than friends, we have had our share of disagreements and heartache. Life has happened with us. For better and for worse. But these last years getting to know each other have been some of the best adventures and moments of learning. The Lord has worked in seriously funny ways to teach us some things about each other and ourselves, at least for me this is true, I won't speak for J. :)

Finally, we have arrived at that precious moment I promised you. I don't actually know the date, and to be honest, there have been a number of moments since my first precious one. But it was the first time I looked at him and thought, I could do this for the rest of my life. It was a moment where we had to change our plans and adapt, he was flexible and didn't complain, he came with me on a run to pick Ainsley up when the power was out at her school and made it fun for her. And as I watched them run ahead of me, I realized that despite the ups and downs, the moments of lust that cloud any sense of realism I may have, the fragmented picture of what I thought I needed or wanted in my future. That sight before me, showed me I could spend moments like that ..... and every other one we had shared.....with him forever. 

Whether that was the awwww moment or tear jerker you thought was coming, I ask you not to judge my dream world, and I would like to clarify that there were a number of other things that fed into this feeling. Honest conversations that unveiled his truths and mine, many a-ha moments, lots of praying on my end for God to show me (NOT in relation to J) who and what He intended to be placed in my life to support me. It all came down to this moment. 

The Lord works in mysterious ways. Some of you may have read my letter to my mom on my blog, about how I learned to love. While I believe without a shadow of doubt that loving is one of my gifts, it has not always been an easy journey to trust in love. My 20's have been a time where I have journeyed through love in mysterious ways, but today I thank God for J and for the gift of loving him, no matter where this journey takes us.